Revolutionary Man - Latest Comments

Re: Man to Man–After 80 Days, Participant Gives His Take on Men’s Leadership Training (Guest Post)

Dan — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 17:36:49 -0000

Thankyou for sharing Jonathan, Dan

Re: The Big Paradox in Personal Development

cabinetman — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 12:23:42 -0000

Putting it simply...You must love yourself before you can make positive changes in your life. That voice in your head, the one that may be bringing your down, needs to change. Certainly if I meditate on the positives about myself I can change that inner voice to help me make those changes and move forward in a path I deem to be more positive for my life.

I am on the edge of figuring this out. For years I thought I was not good enough, never did enough, and while I was doing plenty the world came crashing down around me mostly by my own doing. Now I am starting to realize, with a lot of help from others, that I am a good person internally and I deserve happiness in my life. It is very much a battle as sometimes it strikes me that I dont "deserve" to be happy because of my mistakes. Guilt is a killer. Those are the voices that have to go away in order to move forward to be able to make positive life changes for me and for those around me.

Enjoyed your site and I am looking forward to more of your insight.

Re: How To Resolve Conflict In Your Relationships

Dan — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 13:20:34 -0000

Awesome post Jay. One thing I would like to add is that the I believe expressing your truth has to come from a place of love, especially when it's a truth that your partner may not like to hear. Otherwise, why would you express it?

@Justice: I agree with Jay that it takes two to tango in a relationship. Yes, the work you've done as a man without your wife's involvement in addition to taking responsibility for your experiences and actions may have deepened your relationship, but I would bet that in some way your wife supported you through the process and/or gave you the freedom to commit to this work. What if she told you, "I think this men's work thing you're doing is bullshit and I don't want you to participate in it anymore"? What effect do you think that would've had?

Dan

Re: “Self Knowledge Is The Cornerstone Of Freedom” Krishnamurti

joanne — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 00:01:46 -0000

i just wanted to say i think all uve said is brilliant and i totally agree with ur thoughts and opinions. i hope your well.

Re: The Number 1 Reason Why So Many Boys and Grown Men Surf Porn (and What to Do About It).

Stuart — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 07:04:18 -0000

G'day Jason,
Just a quick note in agreement with EmilyC. You have generalised a lot....when was the last time you came to church or a church men's group? I'm an elder of one that puts sex on the agenda a fair bit...why, just as you have pointed out, it is a hot topic. Song of Songs is a book that explores this in great detail. Great for counciling couples having issues that quite often relate to personal inhabitions or those who have distorted views of sex and intamacy due to porn addiction of one or both partners. It gets my goat that some think just because we believe in God we don't want or enjoy sex....personally if scripture was understood men should be lining up at the door each week with the wife in tow to see what happens next.

God invented the stuff, we just enjoy it.

God bless

Re: Take Full Responsibility For Your Life

Jayson — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 22:56:29 -0000

Kevin. I am well aware that it ain't that simple. I have experienced plenty of trauma and have studied trauma extensively. I work with trauma everyday. This post is one fraction of the work it takes to actually move bast blame/victim mentality. I understand that takes most folks years of deep work. I'm a blogger as well as a coach. I give the reader who is not willing to go to quality therapy something to start with. Reading this might just help someone crack the door. For another man, it might support him in closing it.

Re: Life Purpose Quick Tip

Ian — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 10:42:58 -0000

I like this, thank-you Jason

Re: Take Full Responsibility For Your Life

kevinfinney39 — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 20:53:46 -0000

Jayson, Is it no oh, so simple. I wish that I could be in the bubble that you live in.

Re: Take Full Responsibility For Your Life

kevinfinney39 — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 20:33:13 -0000

I find this a little bit odd, as I have not responded, been angry, nor replied to any comments on this website. So whoever feels the need for a non existent comment please digress.

Re: Take Full Responsibility For Your Life

Jayson — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 17:42:22 -0000

Kevin,

I feel for you and what you have been through. Yes, you were a victim of abuse (past tense). And, no of course you didn't choose it. I state this clearly above. You were a victim of abuse then, but you are no longer a victim. Running your own biz and being a dad is testament to that. You can still choose to blame the perpetrators many years later. Even years later it is a fact that you were a victim and that that abuse was not your fault. Again, past tense. But i invite you to ask what blame NOW does for you?

Re: How To Resolve Conflict In Your Relationships

Jayson — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 16:42:47 -0000

Bro, I think this is a solid ground for learning how to talk during conflict. At a certain point, once you have a lot of self-awareness, become open to how others perceive you, and can clearly own up to your part, this model can be transcended (or included informally) quite easily.

Re: How To Resolve Conflict In Your Relationships

Jayson — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 16:40:58 -0000

Thanks Karen! Very cool resource you have! I think each couple or person has to find a tool that works for them.

Re: Take Full Responsibility For Your Life

kevinfinney39 — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 20:01:09 -0000

Torrey, as a near 40 year old man, that suffered many years of abuse, I find that the comment that you made, and the subsequent response by Andrew quite abhorent! We do not choose to be abused, and I will use the term loosely. I was lucky that the abuse ended when I was put in to a well run childrens home in the UK when I was 7 years old, and given a half decent education. My elder brother however, was not, and he still at 41, lives with the abuser. I have employed about 15 people, and had 3 children of my own, all well rounded and educated. However, I still blame the cause of the abuse on the person/people that conducted it!

Re: How Yoga Is Like Your Life

Mahadeva of Men-Yoga.com — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 17:07:11 -0000

Love it! What a great article. Yes, it is an unfortunate truth that most of us guys are programmed to think that force is the way to solve problems. One of the cool things that yoga teaches us is "allowing". When I first started doing yoga 16 years ago I had an attitude of "right, I'm going to get this figured out" It's almost laughable to see that written.

Rather that getting anywhere in a yoga pose, it's much better to allow my body to move into the pose just as much as it can. It's more of a "resting-into" than a "getting-into". And as contrary to much that we have learned as it sounds, I have found this to be the key to deepening and enjoying (which is important) my yoga practice.

That allowing attitude also helps develop the inner practice of yoga. The increasing gentleness and surrendering of the self-violent patterns allows the groth of awareness to be fulfilling and graceful. This in turn allows us to be "in the flow" where life is magical and giving.

Re: How To Resolve Conflict In Your Relationships

Dr. Karen Sherman — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 16:51:39 -0000

These are all really good points!

As a relationship expert (www.ChoiceRelationships.com), I would like to add that couples need to know that conflicts are bound to happen. But here's the good news: there are skills they can learn so that they can handle them better. When they do, their partnerships fare much better. I offer a free teleseminar, "The 7 Tools to Manage Conflict Communication in Your Relationship." To hear it, go to: http://choicerelationships.com....

Re: The Top 3 Reasons Smart Guys Get Trapped Soul-Sucking Work

Kara — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 13:08:08 -0000

Thanks for writing this to enable men to take the first steps off the soul-sucking path. I'm just in the midst of my escape myself from the legal profession. I'm describing it on my blog...

Sometimes our real value is something we take so for granted, we can't even see what it is or why someone would pay us to do it. Looking inside ourselves, and actually appreciating our own talents, and then valuing ourselves first, before we offer what we have to the rest of the world, can be the most challenging task of all.

But I'm going to die trying to value my own gifts, and to help whoever I can along the way.

Re: How To Resolve Conflict In Your Relationships

Jeffrey Platts — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 21:25:55 -0000

Haha. Great post, bro. I just read this after I posted on my blog tonight. We must have been on the same wavelength today about the wanting guys to speak up! :) A great message to get out there!

- J

Re: How To Resolve Conflict In Your Relationships

Justice Marshall — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 16:20:40 -0000

Probably both can be true. If someone leaves the relationship... boom. No more relationship, right? So in that sense, it takes two. What's been true for me is that the work I've chosen to do as a man, as an individual, has kept me in relationship and transformed my marriage. I didn't actually need my wife to participate in all of that. Even though at times I believed I did... which can be a seductive trap. So for me, that took one (me), not two.

I certainly see the benefit of having a skilled (and well suited) facilitator help couples. Sometimes I'm that person. I know you are too. And the couples you help are blessed by you, I'm sure.

If two people are capable and willing, great. But I do see real-life examples of couples "working" on their conflict and only digging themselves in deeper, even with help.

Sooo - I like to hold out an alternative that brings it back home. Especially for men.

As for "me with myself", that's the foundation of relationship right? I get the sense that we work with different parts of the elephant, to paraphrase a favourite metaphor.

Much respect Jayson.

Re: How To Resolve Conflict In Your Relationships

Jayson — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 15:58:15 -0000

Justice,

I avoided it for years. Now I think it's one solid tool that can help. With a skilled facilitator or two savvy people, the idea is to take full responsibility for your part.

I like to give people the freedom to speak their truth first, then clean it up and own up to their projections etc, full responsibility etc.

Would be a good discussion for us. I believe it does take two to make a relationship work, otherwise, it's me with myself. Perhaps you are talking on an "absolute" level?

Re: How To Resolve Conflict In Your Relationships

Justice Marshall — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 13:20:11 -0000

Man, I can get behind the Imago process outlined in theory... but in practice???
Honestly, just reading it makes me shudder. Those "agreements" and "negotiations" never worked for me. In fact - the process almost always made things worse. And I've heard the same from many other men. Maybe it's just not for everyone all the time...

The imago principle that says we "project" on our mate HAS been very useful, but only when I work with it myself, taking responsibility for my projections, then bringing that responsibility into my relationship.

It comes back to that belief that "it takes two to make a relationship work."
I don't believe that anymore.

My two cents...

Thanks for the discussion.

Re: Why Finding a Man Mentor Is So Essential

Bret Meier — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 04:11:31 -0000

Hello Jayson,

Thank you for all the posts, I have read the popular ones and they are great. I will start off like this...

It has been an "awakening" for me over this past year. For me, I was never a spiritual person; I don't believe in organized religion simply because religion preaches that they are right and others are wrong.

As a boy I did everything in my power to "please" my father and have been trying to live up to his "expectations" for the past 29 years. I turned 30 on August 30th 2009. Since then I have been on a path to self discovery. I am finally separating myself from my father’s expectations and looking inward for the answers to my life.

I owe this mainly to my courage to break away from ALL expectations and trust my own decisions. Doing this, it has brought me to a closer understanding of spirituality and what it means to me. Realizing the connection between my mind, my body, my source, and my world, I am now respecting the amazing power that "I" truly have. The challenge now is, how to master this power that I have??

Being at the very beginning stage of self-awareness I also realizing just how much "practice" it takes to focus my mind on my true life’s purpose. This "awakening" that I am experiencing is a life long process, and I am excited to "wake up" and LIVE my life.

I am grateful that I have started connecting with strong men that are in a state of awareness as I start this life journey. I am excited to surround myself with more of these types of men. I agree with you that knowledge is gained through experiences. I am eager to learn from these men, their experiences and knowledge, absorbing it in and turning to my Source, and then using this knowledge to expand my growth as a person.

Thank you for your dedication to the development and self discovery of others. You are a true blessing.

Bret Meier

Re: Men And Rage

Jayson — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 12:03:37 -0000

Thanks for the correction Josh. I'll make the change!

Re: Men And Rage

Josh — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 10:09:14 -0000

Great article!

FYI, the neocortex is not the "front part of our brain," that's the prefrontal cortex.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P...
The neocortex in the wrinkly outer layer of the brain, also called he cerebrum.
http://www.buffalostate.edu/or...

Anyway, I don't think it subtracts from the article :)

Re: Desires of an Older Woman (guest post)

Jesse Mendes — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 13:06:25 -0000

David, you express your points beautifully. Thank you for your thoughtful post. My own experience is much the same as yours – a man with something to prove can be quite volatile indeed. As a woman, I can “smell” this in a man, and if he has a lot of rage, as well, it’s not a safe energy to be around.

On a separate note, I also agree that it is (generally speaking) expected that a man be emasculated when he commits to a relationship – but of course, it is often not perceived in this way. I would be interested in hearing from more men on this subject.

Re: Desires of an Older Woman (guest post)

David — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 01:33:45 -0000

Couldn't agree more. It is acceptable (& expected) for us to be emasculated when we enter into/commit to a relationship. The grooming often starts at a very young age. So many men have serious issues with insecurity. I'm convinced this plays some part. Insecurity can open a gateway to abuse and addiction. The most dangerous thing I've ever come across was an insecure man - because he felt he had to prove his strength.

Unfortunately, too few understand that to be a man, you have to be tough as hell and vulnerable too. Most guys don't understand the balance. They only try to do what they've been taught - lift the heavy things and then wait for more orders. That's not how we're built. That's why it doesn't work.